the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
