I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
