Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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