Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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