She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
