I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize