I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
