I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
