I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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