you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
