I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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