Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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