The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
