I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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