I feel like abortions should bother me more
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
