he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
