Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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