I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
