How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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