After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
