$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
