Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize