I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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