i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
