So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
