Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
