I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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