Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
