Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
