yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
