There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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