Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
