There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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