She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
