What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
