I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize