She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
