Pappa wants mamma naked
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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