a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
