Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
