3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
