You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
