I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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