just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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