I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
