She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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