Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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