So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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