Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish you could order shots online.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
