Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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