Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize