He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
