I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
