after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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