I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
