Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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