WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
