im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
only if we run a train.
done.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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