Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
