she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
