So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
