somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
